Restless nights
by Anotherhumanbeing
Summary: His eyes moist with tears he hasn't shed in years but again he blinks, sends them away once more as images flash behind them. Of his father, of Lena, of her, of people he has hurt in his life. Of people he – loved?


**Clara ain't dead, trust me, I know. *wink *wink**

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><p>There is a ringing in his ears, a pounding inside his head and he closes his eyes. Swallows a shuddering breath before they flutter open again to look at the wreckage around him. The seat-belt is digging into his chest and pressing against his lungs; choking him, the steering-wheel colliding with his head left a nasty gash across the side of his face and he can feel something wet trickling down his scull. When he saw the first biker passing by the car and glancing over his shoulder he knew something was wrong and about to happen but he was too late. The tire burst and the car screeched as he tried to put it back under control – yet – it turned and when he thought it was all over the truck behind them sent them crashing down again.<p>

Black spots dance around his vision and he rubs a hand over his face, wiping the blood away from around his eyes and onto his trousers. Pain runs through his entire body when he tries to move but he ignores it, stumbles out of the car and drops to the ground, pieces of glass cutting through his clothes and skin.

''Uncle?'' Jackson's voice sounds distant in his ears, his face just a blur in front of him as the child leans over him ''Please, get up, you need to get up. You need to wake up Lena too! She's not moving'' fingers grasp at his clothes, claw and tug and _plead_.

But his body doesn't hear his commands to move, to go help them. Instead, he lays on the ground – useless – as his eyelids drift close.

_Lena._

When they open again he finds himself standing next to Lena's grave, tired and shot at and staring at _her _body laying on the ground lifeless. Blood soaking through her clothes and into the soil, painting the grass red. His knees groan as he kneels by her side, his hands gently turning her onto her back before fingers run over her cheek. His eyes moist with tears he hasn't shed in years but again he blinks, sends them away once more as images flash behind them. Of his father, of Lena, of _her, _of people he has hurt in his life. Of people he – _loved?_

It's his fault, all of this, his hands were they ones soaked in their blood. Maybe, he should have listened to Nicky, maybe he should have just walked away.

The dream changes then, and now he's standing in front of a mirror. Looking back at a man he shamefully admits that is him. Bruised and beaten and so emotionless. So _tired. _The reflection moves as he watches; grabs his gun from his side and cocks it. Slowly, lifts it up and places the barrel at the side of his temple. Aiden swears he can feel the cold steel on his own skin.

''All of this is your fault'' his reflection says.

Aiden frowns, ''I didn't mean to hurt anybody''

''No-one ever does''

He remembers something his father told him one of those rare nights that he returned home, ''It takes a strong man to deny what's in front of him. To move on, and find something – someone – to keep fighting for in his life''

''It can all go away'' his twin glances at him with a raised eyebrow, as if to challenge him, finger twitching over the trigger.

''No''

His twin smiles, he pulls the trigger. The mirror breaks, a past self.

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><p>And then he gasps, muscles tensing and body jerking upwards; feet hitting the floor, as his eyes shoot open. Cold sweat runs down the sides of his temple and he sighs, rubs a hand over his face and looks around the empty bedroom.<p>

''Aiden?''

Bare breasts press against his back, legs lay next to each of his hips and a pair of inked arms wound themselves around his torso. The warm breath of the woman behind him tickles his skin and he closes his eyes against his guilt. It's been two years but still, he hasn't forgiven himself for what he caused to _her._

_Your fault._

''Those nightmares again?'' a palm lays open over his chest, his heart beating fast underneath.

''Yeah''

Her lips are soft as they place a kiss between his shoulder-blades ''Are you okay?''

_Find someone to fight for._

His first instinct is to lie, reply with a simple fine and a lame excuse for his sudden gasp. And yet – as she trails small kisses against his back and up to the nape of his neck; the words get stuck in his throat, eyes moist briefly and then he blinks. Stares down at his hands and imagines them soaking in blood – Lena's and _hers _and so many others'. And so he finds himself curling his fingers around hers on his chest.

Grip bruising.

''It's all my fault'' he says, he knows; his lust for vengeance too great to notice the people that he hurt in its path. It blinded him.

Suddenly, hands push him down onto the mattress and he looks up at fierce gray eyes staring at him confused, frustrated.

''You are not the one to blame'' she jabs her finger in his chest ''Stop doing this to yourself''

Instead of replying, his gaze travels south. It lands on the two bullet scars marking the flesh of her shoulders. Even though, black ink covers the patched skin he can see them clearly. And the air catches in his lungs all over again. She didn't deserve this. She might had lied about her involvement in the whole situation but she tried to help him heal, to find whoever gave the order. Truth is, he doesn't really know if he would have progressed this much by doing this alone. Yet, maybe alone would have been better. Then, the only one getting hurt would have been him.

_You did all of this._

''Hey'' Clara tilts his chin up again, ''Calisse, Aiden, it's not your fault. And it's over now, the man behind this is dead and I'm alive. Stop torturing yourself. You forgave me for what I did, I think it's time you forgive yourself'' she kisses him then, long and hard and deep, like she could put some sense into him with a kiss. And he smiles against her lips, the corners of his mouth twisting up easier when he's around her.

''Thank you'' his voice is sincere when he speaks, and Clara frowns momentarily at that before she smiles again. Curls her body against his and hides her face in the crook of his neck, his rich scent filling her nostrils as they lay there; a mess of tangled limps and legs.

His arm snakes around her shoulders, push her tighter against him and closes his eyes again. He can move on, he can change. And he has already found the one he must keep fighting for.

_A city, a lover, a family._

Sleep comes easier this time.

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><p><strong>Reviews are always welcome. <strong>

**And as always, have a nice day.**


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